There is a story about a man who thought his wife was losing her hearing and so
he decided to test her. While she
was reading in the living room, he called to her from the kitchen.
“Honey, can you hear me?”
There was no response. He
moved a little closer from behind and spoke again,
“Can you hear me now?”
No response.
Again he moved closer and asked. Still no response.
Finally he got right behind her, almost next to her ear and whispered,
“Now can you hear me?”
Turning around, she snapped
angrily,
“Yes!
Yes! For the fourth time –
Yes!”
When
we are in the mindset of proving why our life is the way it is, we become so
enraptured with our way of thinking that it never occurs to us that there may be
another answer. We stay stuck in
our “proving grounds.” A Course in Miracles asks,
“Do
you prefer that you be right or happy?”
When
we are determined to prove to ourselves that what we believe is true, we will
actually never be happy. We will be
so busy trying to make the world fit out beliefs that there is no opening for
the Truth to be presented to us. There
is also no opening for us to change or improve.
We simply gather evidence, mounting up more and more “proof” of why
things are the way they are.
For
example, before Stav and I learned about our unconscious thoughts and feelings,
we spent most of our time (separately) proving to ourselves that relationships
were impossible. We would get into
relationships with thoughts that would ultimately undermine us.
Thoughts such as,
“You
can never please a man/woman.”
“Men/women
can’t be trusted.”
“Relationships
are hard.”
As
the relationship would progress, we slowly built our “case”.
Each time we couldn’t do it right for our partner, an internal counter
would click off more proof in our minds. Each
time someone let us down, proving that people could not be trusted; once again
the counters would click. Of course
all these unconscious thoughts and feelings made relating to others extra
hard and so the evidence that “relationships are hard” also slowly
mounted.
And
after a relationship would end, we could smugly tell ourselves,
“I
knew it all along! Men/women are just not dependable!”
Yes,
we gathered lots of proof. But in
the end, it never made us happy. And
so, after enough trial and error, we (Jerry in Seattle, and Stav in Houston)
decided to improve our lives. We
got tired of being right all the time and wanted to start being happy.
And through much self-reflection, workshops and Breath Sessions, we
started watching our thoughts, challenged our personal laws about men and women
and began to take responsibility for ourselves.
Not surprisingly, it changed our lives.
We changed our outlook to where we could let another person into our
lives with love. We stopped trying
to prove our beliefs and started to improve our lives.
Now
the nice thing about spiritual laws is that they can apply to every
aspect of our lives. The
horrific events in the past few months are examples of where we can use this
powerful message. Many of us may be
tempted to see these events as proof
that the world is indeed a hateful, angry world.
Proof that people of other faiths are not to be trusted. Proof that maybe God has abandoned us in order to allow such
things to occur.
But
do we want to stay in this mindset? Sometimes
the purpose of an event that happens in our life can be a catalyst for higher
thinking. Instead of proving our
old, mistaken beliefs, maybe we are being called to improve our lives and the
world.
Already
we have seen instances of this improvement.
Synagogues in Seattle opened their doors to Muslim worshippers in order
to provide them a safe place for them to pray.
The government has adamantly declared that any violence committed on
peoples of different races or religions will be vigorously pursued.
People have volunteered to go shopping with Muslims who are afraid to go
out in public because of their dress or skin color.
Instead
of a call to arms, we can have a call
to hearts. We can uplevel our
thinking and expand our hearts instead of contracting into fear.
If
we are to believe what A Course in
Miracles says – that we are all one, then the discord that exists out
there actually resides in our hearts. But
this truth also works with love. That
the love we see out there is also in our hearts.
It’s a two way street. By
having love within us, we get to see it out there.
And seeing it out there verifies that we already have it.
Now,
more than ever, we need to continue improving our thoughts and feelings and heal
our relationships. We need to
change our perception of the events around us.
We need to remember that safety does not lie in a vaccine or more
defenses. Safety comes from within
and we need to remember that we are the ones who can prove or improve our lives.
So
ask yourself,
“How
can I improve my world today? Even
if it’s a tiny improvement?”
And
then look around for what needs to be done.
For
some it may just be stopping and listening to your children instead of busily
reading the paper or preparing dinner. It
may be getting your secretary a cup of coffee or giving your wife a foot
massage. It may be sending a letter
or e-mail to your congressman. My
favorite (Jerry) is when I go for a long walk, I take a plastic bag with me and
I pick up any trash that others have left. In this way, I feel I help improve my
neighborhood and improve my thoughts.
Remember
that the improvements need not be big. In
fact, the best ones are the ones that nobody notices.
You will find, over time, that these little improvements become
unconscious positive habits. And you reach a point where you unconsciously listen
better, unconsciously pick up that dropped piece of paper, unconsciously
improve the world. You look at everything with love and resist the temptation to
prove that the world is a “bad” place.
So
stop looking for proof.
Become
the proof!
Let
your life be proof of what you are!
Let
your life be proof of what is possible.
Those
who insist on proving their viewpoint of life is right will always get to be
right – and sad.
But
those who surrender to improving their life, will get to be happy.